#what happened was so much worse (in a very good way)

[lovelettersfromluna]

Under Your Spell

summary: what’s that old saying? Best way to get over someone is to get under…..yeah yeah, we all know where this going, don’t we?

an: Hi! Long time no see, huh? I hope you’ve all been doing well! I’ve missed it here a lot, more than you could ever know. The semester is over, and I’m finally free! (For a little bit). College is very hard, and it took a lot of me this year, but let’s not get into that right now. This chapter has been VERY long awaited, and I am so sorry that it’s taken this long to get to you all. This one is pretty short, but not only did I want to get it out to you all in time, but I also have lots planned for the next chapter! (Luna you’re putting four parts into one of your fics???) I know I know, shocker right? Anyways, I hope you all enjoy this past despite it being short! Love you 🤍🤍🤍

warnings: MDNI!, 18+ fic only, slight smut, lots of angst, mean!Ellie, idiot!Ellie??, Abby’s in this one hehe, making out, drinking, let me know if I missed anything!

Part 1, Part 2

Sleeping in your bed had become extremely difficult.

It was like every time you laid your head against the soft pillows, your skin sliding against the soft material of your sheets, your brain would be filled with images of Ellie. The feeling of her lips on your throat, her hands on your hips, everything she’d given to you was permanently burned into your memory.

You couldn’t get away from her, no matter what you did.

You let out a soft sigh as you sat at your old desk, your cheek resting against your palm as your fingers traced along the smooth material of the wood. Things had gotten a lot trickier after your last night with Ellie, your mind clouded with confusion regarding the entire ordeal.

Ellie had….sought out for you. She definitely did the first time but there was something about her coming home from a night out, and slipping into your sheets that had your mind in shambles. It didn’t make any sense, you were sure that whatever happened between you and Ellie was a one off, something that was influenced mainly by alcohol and forced proximity. The played out story of the brother’s best friend ending up in a sticky situation with the younger sister. It was cliche, but it happened.

That didn’t change that it left your stomach in knots every time you heard the floorboards creak near Ellie’s room.

You’d done a pretty good job at avoiding her and the entire situation. It meant that you were in complete and total lockdown, even worse than before, however it saved any awkward tension, which you’d much rather trade for a few months of complete isolation.

But as all good things did, it was coming to an end.

Because you were given a choice, one that dangled your pride, and your social life in your face, forcing you to choose which you valued more.

Every summer, a huge party was thrown down at the beach. You and your brother joined as soon as you were old enough to drink, your parents went when they were younger, their parents went, and nearly everyone in your town experienced it at least once. It was like a tradition, one that every young person would look forward to.

It was one of your favorite parts about being home for the summer.

However, there wasn’t a party thrown in town that your brother and Ellie wouldn’t join.

And that’s where your choice came in.

You’d been going back and forth with yourself all week, weighing out the pros and the cons of it all. You knew that there were ways to get around her, to make sure that you wouldn’t see here while you were out there. To top it all off, you hated the idea of letting Ellie rip away one of your favorite things to do while you were home, giving her that much power didn’t make any sense to you.

But you still couldn’t push yourself to do it.

You swiveled your chair back and forth, staring up at your ceiling as you struggled to make a decision. However the clock was ticking, and the party was officially happening tonight. You didn’t have much time to go back and forth with yourself anymore.

It was either you swallow your pride, go out and enjoy yourself for the first time since everything happened with Ellie, ultimately standing up for yourself and sending her a big fuck you while doing so…

Or

You let her win. You sacrifice your time there and you let Ellie steal your time. You let her make a fool out of you by being too hung up on the very weird attention she’d been giving you, and you stay in your room for yet another night while everyone else is having the time of their lives.

Thinking of it that way didn’t leave you much of an option, did it?

You practically rip your room apart looking for the perfect outfit to wear, which ends up being a pink halter top that flows down a bit at the ends, a pair of your favorite denim shorts and your sneakers. By the time you’re finishing up your hair and your makeup, you hear the faint sound of your brothers minions showing up, pairing that with the music that starts playing leaves you to figuring they’re probably pregaming before they leave.

That’s when it starts feeling real.

You let out a deep sigh as you stare in the mirror, fixing your top over your chest before fluffing out your hair and fixing your lip gloss, giving yourself a gentle affirming nod before you push your phone into your back pocket and head downstairs.

A blanket of silence falls between Derek and his friends when they notice you, multiple sets of eyes zeroing in on you as you slip between your brother and one of his friends silently to pour a shot before throwing it back with ease. Hazels the first to comment on it.

“Awe man, I didn’t think the first grader could hang….you joining us tonight sweetie?” She taunts, her perfect teeth pressing down into her plush bottom lip as she stares at you, a challenging look in her eye.

Derek is the next one to speak up, a surprised look on his face as he stares down at you. “Wait…really? You’re coming with us?” He quips hopefully. Had Hazel kept her fucking mouth shut, you probably would’ve found the sentiment sweet from him.

You inhale deeply to calm yourself, staring down into the empty shot glass before you finally raise your eyes to look at Hazel, only to find her standing across the island, her back pressed into Ellie’s chest as her tattooed hands toy with the exposed skin of Hazel’s waist.

You completely ignore Ellie’s eyes burning holes into you.

“Shut the fuck up Hazel” you bite back before pouring another shot.

Your words earns reactions from the group instantly, even your brother chuckling softly as he gives you a proud smile. Hazel however, is not amused in the slightest.

Her poker face drops for a moment, nostrils flaring as she stares you down like she wants to jump over the table and have you for herself, but she quickly picks it up, giving you an impressed smirk before she nods slowly.

“Ahh so she speaks…my apologies sweetheart” she practically grits out before she lets out an annoyed sigh.

“Let’s go then. I don’t wanna be late” she quickly seethes out, pushing herself out of Ellie’s arms so she can grab her purse that was sitting on the couch.

You trail behind the others after your brother reassures you things will be okay, giving him a soft smile as you all pile into his car, ultimately missing the way Ellie’s eyes trail you the entire times

The car ride there feels nostalgic. The summer breeze turns cooler the closer you get to the familiar beach, your brother blasting his music in the front as you rest your head against the edge of the window, letting the wind blow through your hair.

It makes you wish things were different. The warmth in your chest would’ve paired so well with a better crowd, one that didn’t see you as the annoying little sister that tagged along when she really shouldn’t be.

Your mind takes you to an alternate reality where things are different, one where you get along with your brother’s friends. You wonder if they’d like you if they gave you the chance, if they weren’t predisposed to not liking you simply because you’re younger than them…

You wonder if things had been different, if you and Ellie could’ve been something.

Because clearly there’s attraction there, there had to be. Were you so wrong for even letting your brain wander there? Wondering what life would be like if you and Ellie were cordial, let alone experimenting with a relationship in a normal way, and not the way you’d been going on for this past summer.

What would it be like if she treated you the way she treated Hazel while others were around? What would it be like if you were in Hazel’s position? Propped up in Ellie’s lap while the others sang songs and joked around with each other?

You’d never know, because you were in this reality, not a perfect one.

You don’t even realize when your brother pulls up to the beach. The gentle shake of the car as his friends practically run out is what rips you away from your thoughts. You clear your throat as you make your way out once everyone is gone, brushing down your outfit as you make your way down the familiar path to the beach. The beach is blossoming with the sound of life. Loud music quickly surrounds you, people dancing, swimming, drinking, it’s almost so perfect it feels cliche, and that alone reminds you that you’d made the right decision by deciding to come out.

You’re the moth, and the ocean is your flame.

It draws you in closer as you sip the drink from your solo cup, appreciating the pattern of the tide rolling in, wetting the sand beneath it, only to then pull back out shortly after. It’s what you’d missed most about the beach in your home town, its ability to calm you no matter what was almost remarkable, even with the crowd of people around you.

You have to stop yourself from walking too far down the beach, knowing deep down that Derek’s friends would take any chance to ditch you while we’re oblivious to what was going on. It’s how you end up out on one of the piers, your legs dangling over the edge as you stare up at the moon, watching as the waves roll in while you sip on your drink.

There’s heavy footsteps along the wooden pier, ones that you don’t quite catch between the heavy sound of the waves, and the music nearby. It isn’t until a familiar voice rings in your ear that you realize you’re not alone.

“You know I heard you were back in town….but I thought there’s no way you’d come back without texting me first” the words come from behind you, and your eyes widen once you catch the tall frame standing over you.

Abby Anderson

She was one of your closest friends back in elementary school. It wasn’t nice to admit, but you’d drifted apart once you both got to high school. It was in the most natural way possible, but she always managed to stick around in your mind from time to time.

Before all of that, you two were stuck at the hip. It was a similar friendship to Ellie and your brother, the two of you always running through your house, causing many headaches for both your parents and her parents whenever you were both together.

You hadn’t seen Abby in years since you left for college, it’d been so long that you didn’t even realize how long it had been.

Her physique was quite the sign that time had passed though.

You gasp softly when you realize it’s her, quickly pushing yourself up off the pier to push yourself into her already opened arms.

“I didn’t know you came back for the summer…god it’s been so long” you sigh out against her broad shoulders, the sweet smell of her perfume filling your nose as you let your eyes flutter shut, relishing in the feeling of her strong arms wrapping around your waist.

“You’d know if you thought to hit me up once in a while” she teases. You can hear the smirk in her voice as she keeps you close. It makes you giggle softly as you finally pull away from her, wanting to get a good look at the girl.

She’s just as pretty as you remember. Abby always had the prettiest blonde hair, and the most charming smile. Those were never things that you failed to notice about your friend, however she’s different now. She’s taller, her build a hell of a lot more stronger than when you were in elementary school, her hair longer and tucked into a thick braid…

You have to stop yourself from staring.

She peers down into your cup, noticing that you were getting empty. She nods her head towards the bonfire before speaking.

“Let’s top you up while you tell me alllll about your life in the big city, yeah?” She offers, to which you dumbly nod to as you follow next to her almost obediently.

After that, the two of you were glued to the hip the entire night. Between catching up on what life had brought the two of you within your adult years, and reminiscing over your time as kids, the world could be burning around the both of you and you two wouldn’t have noticed a thing. For the first time since you’d came home, you had finally found someone to spend time with.

And Ellie notices the entire thing.

Her eyes were on you the entire night. From the moment you came downstairs at the house, it was like she was under some fucked up spell that made it so she couldn’t function unless you were in her line of view. She couldn’t count on her hands how many annoyed sighs she received when her friends realized she wasn’t listening to what they were saying, instead busying herself with figuring out where the hell you were.

She tracked you like she was the predator, and you were her prey. She made sure you didn’t stray too far away from the group, made sure you didn’t do something stupid like strip naked to take a quick dip into the cold ocean. She was just being helpful! It wasn’t like she felt her mouth go dry every time it looked like someone was going to approach you….

And its like fate was on your side that night, because the moment Abby approached you at the dock, Hazel was settling herself into Ellie’s lap, toying with the hair at the nape of her neck and ultimately blocking you from her view completely.

The next time she does get a chance to see you again, you’re wrapped up in none other than Abby Anderson’s arms.

It’s just her luck, isn’t it? That out of every girl in your small beachside town, you choose that fucking idiot. You choose the girl that everyone knows to be Ellie’s sworn fucking enemy since forever. The only explanation is that you’re doing this on purpose. You know exactly what to do to get under Ellie’s skin. You did it when you were flirting with Jesse right in front of her, you did it when you kicked her out of your bedroom the last time you two were together, and you were doing it right fucking now by getting all cozy with Abby fucking Anderson.

So of course, she has to try and stop this.

But Ellie soon realizes that she spends way too much time mentally dwelling over this, and accusing you of something she knew deep down was very much out of character for you, because the second her eyes search for the two of you, she’s met with something she can only assume was pulled out of her worst nightmare.

You and Abby hand in hand as she helps you into her car.

Ellie is quick to push Hazel off her lap, her eyes now frantically searching for your brother. Once she spots him, she’s interrupting his conversation the moment she opens her mouth.

“Hey man…have you um….do know where your sisters going right now?” She asks almost out of breath, her eyes shifting quickly between Derek and Abby’s truck as she pulls out of her spot in the parking lot.

Your brother raises his eyebrows as he looks back to where you are in the girls car, nodding as he takes a sip of his drink. “Yeah, she just came and told me her friend is gonna take her home” he explains casually with a shrug before he tries to turn back to his conversation.

Ellie scoffs in disbelief at his casual tone, her hand reaching forward to grab his shoulder and turn him around to face her again.

“Friend? Did you even see who she was leaving with?” Her voice is laced with worry and distress as she complains to your brother, the man oblivious to Ellie’s frantic demeanor.

“Wasn’t it just Abby? They’ve been friends forever…I honestly don’t trust anyone other than that girl. Have you seen her fucking arms? I think my sister is in good hands with her” he chuckles softly as he gives Ellie’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

Between his words and his reaction to the entire thing, Ellie feels like she’s going to lose her fucking mind.

Her green eyes go wide as she stares at your brother before she gives a laugh of disbelief. “Are you fucking kidding me? It’s just Abby? As in Abby fucking Anderson? Are we talking about the same girl here? Or are you suffering from fucking brain damage?” She snaps back.

Her wild eyes and mean words take your brother back, his playful laughter dying down once he realizes that he friend is quite literally tweaking over the fact that you’ve left with the girl that he knew she had some beef with.

“Woah…calm down man. It’s just my sister, your beef with Anderson doesn’t really have anything to do with her…she’ll be fine” he tries to assure her once more, his tone softening to calm his friend.

This does nothing though. It makes Ellie pinch the bridge of her nose in annoyance as she shakes her head. “Give me your keys” she demands with her palm out, pushed towards him.

Derek furrows his brows in confusion. “What? Are you seriously going to-“ he’s quickly cut off by Ellie, stopping him from finishing his question.

“Give me your fucking keys Derek. I’m not letting that asshole get it in with your sister” she finally admits, her words making your brothers eyes go wide with realization, finally seeing the situation for what it really was.

He inhales deeply before he reaches into his pocket and finally places his keys into his friends hand without another word, biting back the smirk that threatened to grace his lips.

He always thought Ellie’s animosity towards you was weird, but he never thought it would mean this all along.

She doesn’t even notice, the girl quickly taking the keys and mumbling a small ‘thanks’ as she jogs up the path to the parking lot to jump into your brothers car, and race home.

Meanwhile at your house, Abby was showing you quite the time.

It didn’t take long for you two to give into the tension that had settled the moment she picked you up from the dock. One moment you were toying with the little loose hairs falling from her braid and framing her face, and the next you were tugging her up to your bedroom and locking the door behind you.

Her hands were all over you, caressing your body as her knee began grinding into your core, her lips swallowing up your moans as you clung to her desperately, chasing your high as if your life depended on it.

The feeling of Abby against you cleared Ellie out of your head almost immediately. You weren’t worried about her or the mean things she’d said to you, or the nasty way she’d treated you after getting what she wanted from you. What once was a bed that you could barely sleep in without thinking of her was now filled with the feeling of Abby, and you couldn’t be more grateful.

Ellie realizes she’s too late when she pulls into your driveway to see Abby’s truck is still there, and she has to stop herself from ripping your brothers car door off when she gets out and slams it closed. There’s still something in her that hopes this is all innocent, that you didn’t really do the unthinkable and take Abby Anderson home to spite her. She hopes that the sweet side of you has taken the moral high ground, that you’ve gone to bed like the good girl she knows you are and Abby just happened to walk home and leave her car in your driveway.

So when she’s jogging on the stairs after frantically searching for you downstairs, hoping that she’ll find you sound asleep in your bed, her blood practically runs cold when her hand wraps around your doorknob…

And she can make out the familiar sounds of your moans through your door, paired with Abby’s words of encouragement to go with it.

[merakiui]

Your thoughts about darling having a bigger chest are marvelous!!!

I wonder what kind of reaction housewardens have after noticing her bigger milky tits... cause those cannot just go unnoticed... 😳

Riddle thinks if a growth spurt like that can happen overnight then surely he can grow a few centimeters taller… T_T he’s still very respectful, but even he’s struggling to not seem so obvious in his aversion towards looking directly at your chest. It’s even worse when Che’nya (while invisible) playfully gropes you during an unbirthday party and milk immediately dampens your blouse……. for the sake of himself, your dignity, and every other man here, he is begging you to go undergarment shopping because if you keep going braless (you can’t fit in your old bras anymore) he’s going to lose his mind. Perky nipples peeking through a shirt dampened by breast milk….. someone save Riddle.

Leona doesn’t say anything. He simply shrugs out of his uniform blazer and drops it on top of your head so you can cover up. It’s also a sly means of scenting you so no predators creep on you when they smell you and see your leaky tits. You can just return that to him later. No need to rush. But if you’re that eager to see him again, maybe he can help relieve the pressure in your chest when milk starts to build up. :) just a suggestion, though~

Hypothetically, if Azul paid you and you signed an NDA, would you be willing to sell your breast milk to him for use in the lounge……. >:) if not, please at the very least let him offer a helping hand. <3 it truly does hurt a kind, benevolent soul like him to see you struggling with your little issue. He could help you so long as you sign a contract~ and that milk of yours certainly won’t go to waste if you’ll allow him to keep it. He’ll even add it to his tea. He could whip up a potion that’ll fix this mess, but you know such a mixture won’t come cheap. His VIP room is always open. :)

Kalim will take you bra shopping!! He’ll buy you anything and everything to help you out. New bras, even some lingerie, new clothes to replace the ones you ruined with your milk… hey, here’s an idea!! Maybe your milk can be used in some of Jamil’s cooking. :D wouldn’t that be neat? Kalim would definitely try it! He doesn’t treat you any differently now that you have a bigger chest. He still fawns over and spoils you excessively. You know, it’s really cute when he squeezes your tits and watches the milk trickle out. It must feel so good, too. Kalim smiles as he cradles your breasts in his hands, and it feels much too pleasurable for you to object.

Immediately Vil suggests you change your wardrobe to suit this new addition. Certain styles of fashion flatter those with larger chests. That uniform blouse you wear stretches over your tits in a way that is so not flattering, and it instead looks quite messy. He’ll take you shopping and you’ll look so beautiful with Vil’s advice. He also suggests finding ways to manage your milk production. It’s obscene if you’re walking around with ruined clothes. Come see him every day and he’ll give your chest a massage that will not only help the soreness in your breasts but also aid in the milk production. The bottles are kept for his own purposes. You don’t need them, surely? :)

Idia almost can’t believe his eyes. Zoom in and enhance……. 👁️ 👁️ can it be,,,, since when did you grow in size??? He was so certain your chest was practically a washboard before, just small and humble, and now you’ve got very obvious cleavage when your tits are pressed together and you’re lactating!!!! Just what kind of special event is this…… orz he needs to update the way he draws you after seeing this change in anatomy.

Malleus is very curious. What is the purpose of so much milk, Child of Man? Size doesn’t mean anything to him. You’re perfect in his eyes whether you have a smaller or bigger chest, and even then it doesn’t matter so long as it’s you. He won’t tell you outright, but he does have the strangest sense of hunger every time he notices the wet patches on your shirt. He can’t help feeling like something is missing… if not yourself or anyone else, surely all of that milk is needed for something? A child, perhaps…… the baby fever is strong in Malleus. >_<

[rafesbangs]

was literally just reading all your work and you write so well!! new fav blog fr, i was wondering (if you're interested) if we could have some rafe x kook bestf!reader fluff, angst kinda one-shot story? thank youuu !! <3

thank you soso much ml !! ofc ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა

req! 𝜗𝜚 kook!reader sneaks out to a boneyard kegger, & bsf!rafe gets pretty protective.

c!w; fluff ! for once, bsf!rafe, soft!rafe, possessiveness, overprotective guy friend, icky males, drinking, a brief physical fight, tiny mention of blood, mostly very fluffy with a tinge of angst ! notes; i can't believe this is my first fluff work lol ! i kinda wrote loads oopsie, i hope you enjoy <3

you sneak out of your house, careful to avoid the creaky floorboards. the night air is cool against your skin as you walk through the empty streets, the buzz of the kegger ahead growing louder with each step. it’s just past midnight when you reach the boneyard, the ground is uneven, the sand mixing with beer-stained grass, and the smell of salty air mingles with the faint scent of weed and sweat.

you grab a red solo cup from the keg, its warmth feeling strange against your fingers. your eyes scan the crowd, taking in the sight of everyone laughing, shouting, and dancing—people you mostly know but can never remember their names the next day. you slip into the chaos, easing into conversations, letting the alcohol dull the edges of the night. everything’s blurry, but in a good way, like you can finally breathe.

“hey,” a voice says, way too close to your ear. you turn, finding some random boy—a touron, probably. his blue eyes are too wide, his grin a little too eager. “you’re cute. want a drink?”

you arch an eyebrow, taking a small step back. “no, thanks. i've got one,” you say, trying to keep your tone light. you’re not interested, but you don’t want to be rude.

he doesn’t get the hint. instead, he takes a half-step toward you, leaning in as though he’s trying to get into your personal space. “oh come on, don’t be like that. one drink won’t hurt.”

you cross your arms and take another step back, annoyance creeping up your spine. “i said no, okay?”

he just laughs like it’s some kind of game, and that’s when you start to feel the frustration bubble up. you don’t want to make a scene, but it’s clear this guy doesn’t know how to take a hint. every time you move away, he follows.

“seriously, i’m not interested,” you snap, voice growing more annoyed. “go find someone else.”

the boy’s smile falters, but his hand comes out to touch your arm, a move that feels more possessive than friendly. before you can even say anything else, a shadow cuts through the crowd, and you hear a familiar voice bark, “hey, man, leave her alone.”

you glance over, relief flooding you when you see rafe, your best friend, pushing through the crowd, eyes narrowed and jaw tight. his presence has always been a kind of shield for you, and this time, it’s no different.

the touron boy looks up at rafe, sizing him up like he’s about to say something smart, but rafe doesn’t wait. he steps closer, his voice colder than you’ve ever heard it. “i said, leave her the hell alone.”

the tourist smirks. “or what?”

before you can even blink, rafe’s already moved. his fist connects with the touron's jaw, knocking the boy off balance, and the crowd around you steps back, forming a ring. it’s over before you can process what’s happening—a punch here, a shove there, and the guy crumbles. rafe doesn’t stop. another hit to the stomach, and the touron goes down, blood trickling from his lip.

you’re frozen for a moment, shock settling in your chest, but when rafe finally steps back, you see the blood smeared across his knuckles and the red pooling around his nose. it’s not much, but it’s enough to make your heart stop for a second.

“oh my god, rafe,” you rush to him, your hands hovering at his shoulders as you try to figure out what to do. “are you okay? your nose…”

he swipes at it with the back of his hand, but it only makes it worse. his eyes narrow, his face flushed with anger, but his voice is rough, like he’s trying to convince himself he’s fine. “yeah, i’m fine. it’s just a scratch.”

“rafe…” you trail off, frustration mixing with your worry. you want to help, but he’s already brushing you off, turning his back to you to walk away.

“let’s get out of here,” he mutters, walking toward the edge of the party. you follow, watching him, unsure of what to say. your stomach twists, unsure whether to be relieved that it’s over or angry that he’s hurt, again, because of you.

the two of you make your way down the beach, the sounds of the party growing distant behind you. it’s too quiet, and you can’t shake the feeling that something’s wrong.

“you shouldn’t have done that,” you say finally, breaking the silence. you’re still angry, but your voice cracks with worry. “you didn’t have to get into that fight. you could’ve just-”

“and you shouldn’t have snuck out in the middle of the night to get drunk at a kegger alone!” rafe snaps, his voice rougher than usual, and you flinch at the bite in his words. “what the hell were you thinking? you know i worry about you.”

you swallow hard, the sting of his anger hitting you like a slap. “i didn’t mean to… i wasn’t trying to-”

“you’re reckless,” he interrupts, throwing his hands up in frustration, and you step back, feeling the weight of it settle deep in your chest. his words cut through you, sharper than you want to admit, and you stare at the sand beneath your feet.

“i’m sorry,” you say quietly, your voice small now, “i didn’t mean to make you worry. i didn’t-”

rafe stops walking and turns to face you, the moonlight catching the blood on his hands and the jagged split on his knuckles. he looks at you for a long moment, his expression softening just a little.

“it’s not just that,” he mutters, the words barely above a whisper. “i care about you. i don’t want anything to happen to you.”

you feel your chest tighten, your heart fluttering unexpectedly. you step closer to him, unsure of what to say, but then your arms are around him, pulling him into a tight hug.

“'m sorry rafe. thank you f'caring, so much about me” you whisper into his shirt, the words soft, sincere. you feel the tension in his body for a moment, like he’s not sure what to do with this closeness, but then he wraps his arms around you too, just a little hesitantly at first, before he holds you tightly.

“don’t thank me,” he mutters, his voice breaking a little. “i’m just... doing what you deserve.”

but when you pull back to look at him, his eyes are full of something else, something that feels a little more vulnerable. you reach up, brushing a strand of hair out of his face, and that’s when you see a tear, slipping down his cheek, a quiet, unexpected crack in his facade.

“rafe…” your voice trembles. “what’s wrong?”

he swallows hard, avoiding your gaze. “it’s just… no one ever thanks me for caring. they just expect me to always be the one looking out for everyone else, but no one ever... gives a damn about me.”

you blink, heart catching in your throat. “that’s not true,” you say, pulling him back in closer, holding him tighter. “i care. i always care.”

he sniffles, his shoulders shaking just slightly as he pulls away, his expression softening but still strained. “dad doesn’t love me 's much as he loves sarah. he’s always telling me how proud he is of her. he- he never says it t'me. and i try so hard. i do everything f'him, everything to make him proud. 'm just invisible to him”

the weight of his words hits you like a punch to the gut, and you squeeze him tighter, not knowing what else to say. “’m so sorry, rafe,” you murmur, your voice thick with emotion. “i can’t imagine what that must feel like. but you’re not invisible t'me. you never will be.”

his breath hitches, and then, finally, he lets go. tears slip down his face now, the kind he’s always kept hidden. you hold him as he breaks down, your arms around him, offering what little comfort you can.

you both sit there in the sand for a long time, the sound of the ocean surrounding you, the night stretching on like a long, quiet exhale. finally, rafe pulls back, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

“thanks for being here,” he says, voice still rough, but softer than before. “for… f'caring.”

you smile at him, your heart full. “always, rafe. i’m always here for you.”

when you finally sneak back to your house, you help him up to your room. in the soft glow of your bedroom light, you clean the blood off his hands, gently tending to his wounds. rafe watches you, the affection in his eyes evident as he gazes at you with a softness you don’t see often.

“y'always so damn careful with me,” he murmurs, his voice full of something unspoken.

“'ts because i care,” you whisper, holding his hand in yours, feeling the warmth between you that has always been there.

[moriitis]

Hey! Happy holidays, moriitis!

This is an unusual curiosity, but... What do you think about Toby being a father?

I feel like he wouldn't like having a child, or maybe he would, I don't know... do you think he would be a good father? (Let's suppose that hypothetically you have a daughter)

Have a nice Christmas, I love you! 💗

Father!Toby Rogers HeadCanons. Fem!Reader.

FIRST, I wanna say how fucking weird it was reading this ask at 5 am because I shit you not, before I went to sleep THIS VERY THOUGHT crossed my mind and I told myself I was gonna write this today. GET OUT OF MY HEAD. No, on a real note, glad we are on the same wave length. I LOVE THIS and thank you for requesting it! Have the most happiest of holidays yourself! <3 AND NO I LOVE YOU.

Content/Warnings; abortion, mentions of miscarriages, blood, birth, children, babies.

If you had asked him what he did on a specific Wednesday two weeks ago, he'd have no idea. That was one of the downsides to being a proxy; the memory loss and foggy mind. But fuck, did he remember the morning you told him you were pregnant. His heart fell through his ass, his skin colour turning fifty shades paler than usual.

Admittedly, his first reaction was to laugh. He'd snort in your face and narrow his eyes suspiciously toward you.

"Weird fucking thing to say."

Would be one of the first things he would say. Because you pranked him so often that he simply didn't believe you and it was such a weird fucking thing to say? What a weird prank?

But when you didn't laugh, his lips pursed nervously and he shifted from one foot to the other. The silence was louder than anything as you both stared at each other. The seriousness on your face, this was going too far.

"You're on birth control... right?"

And before he knew it, you were tearing up and right there and then he wanted a hole to swallow him up and eat him. This was bad, no, worse than bad; this was really fucking serious.

Slender would fucking kill him, he'd kill him first and then kill you. This wasn't supposed to happen, shit, he shouldn't have been fucking with you in the first place and now you were fucking pregnant?!

He wanted to panic, he wanted to dart out the door and leave forever but he was tied to Slender. Not just as a proxy, but a slave; a mere worker.

It was the look on your face too, he couldn't leave you? What kind of man were he? Not that he had a particularly good role model for what being a man was like

God forbid he turned into that man.

"Okay."

He would start -

"Okay, okay, ooookay."

He was reassuring himself more than he were reassuring you and his hands reached out to grip firmly on your shoulders. This didn't have to happen, he could.. well, you could fall down some stairs or better yet, drink some alcohol? That'll get rid of a baby, right?

Those thoughts, those dirty, putrid thoughts. What was he thinking? He was disgusted in himself but he couldn't help it, he was panicking.

He couldn't be a father, he was not made to be a father. What if he turned into him? What if he were to.. god forbid it, lay his hands on the babe? He was a dangerous individual, why should the softness of a baby stop him?

Perhaps it was because it were.. his baby. A life growing inside of... you.

"I can't do it."

He admitted.

"I am not fit to be- I CANNOT be- Our life- What we do- No, no, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I love you but-"

He was rambling. He was afraid, he couldn't bare to look at you because what if he were to suddenly lay a hand on you?

Sitting down with Toby and talking to him was the best option. To clear your minds, to form a plan - to figure out what to do and whether you both wanted this baby.

Toby was honest, so brutally honest that frankly it made you burst into tears.

"It's not that I don't want it- it's that I-.. I can't."

His words hurt so much but he promised he'd be there to help you each step of the way. Fuck, he'd even get Jack in an attempt to try and help with the termination.

But word travelled fast and it sure travelled quick.

Slender's rage was not shouting or screaming; it was the eerie silence or disappointing faceless stare he would give you. It was the nausea that followed, the anxiety that riddled itself in your blood stream.

And just like that, Toby's whole life was gone. You had just.. simply disappeared. And it killed him, the unknowing of what happened to you. It killed him to think that he could've possibly killed you.

But you were not dead. Slender had come to an... agreement.

You were to stay a proxy but you were to terminate the child and with that, he sent you on the other side of the forest. In a cabin, alone and to deal with your emotions.

Jack had came to aid you with the termination.

But something inside of you told you that.. you wanted this child. That perhaps this child was a chance of hope, of normality. That maybe you could escape.

And you hated to bare such a burden on a child that was not yet born.

It took a lot of convincing from Jack, a lot of persuasion to keep the baby and to do regular visits to ensure it was growing healthy. You were to birth the baby alone, for Jack couldn't risk getting caught. But he taught you well, how to handle it and of course gave you lots of books.

It was risky, going against Slender. He would know something was up, especially since you had not come back as quickly as he had expected.

So Jack lied for you, he hated it but did it nevertheless. What was he going to lose?

He told Slender you were in a coma and that he needed to do regular checks to ensure you were alive.

Slender wouldn't know, fuck, Slender wasn't human - so the lie worked perfectly.

The pregnancy was rough. Unwelcoming. You vomited everything up, you were unable to gather firewood due to the fatigue - so on most nights you would be freezing alone.

A part of you didn't expect the baby to survive. That you would miscarriage.

But weeks slogged into months and you were bursting.

And you had to do this alone.

You didn't count how long you were in labour for, but it felt like for days.

So much blood, that something was wrong and you just knew it.

But you pushed through, with each book Jack had given you being an aid.

The baby was born during the night.

And she did not cry. Nor weep, nor whine.

Your heart dropped.

You were slumped on the cabin floor, blood pooling around your thighs and knees as you doubled over. There, on the towels beneath you, were the child. Pale, small.

If it weren't for the shock, you would've moved instantly. But you couldn't. All you could do was watch in disbelief, your head glazed in sweat.

But motherly instincts kicked in quick.

And you reached for the scissors, cutting the cord and making haste to save your daughters life.

Your daughter. A girl. You had no idea what the gender were but it were evident as you helplessly rubbed the babes back, hoping to clear some airways to hear that cry.

Relief washed over you, a cry that would've seen irritating for some; music to your ears.

You had a daughter - she was alive!

It took Jack a couple months until he passed by again, he was on his rounds locally and knew he needed to check up on you. A part of him expected to find you dead and half of him prepared himself to the smell of death as he itched closer toward the cabin. The smell of the rotting corpse either being you, the child or both.

But there was a new smell. A sweeter smell.

He wasn't sure why he was surprised when he discovered the cooing child in your arms but he were.

You had named her Lyla.

And you ached for Toby.

Jack couldn't vouch for the coma lie anymore and he knew that soon you were to be caught.

So, he did what he thought were best. He dragged Toby's sorry ass here. And it took a lot of convincing.

Toby succumbing to depression at the idea of losing you. Spending most days in bed, grieving.

So, when he walked into the cabin, he quite literally dropped to his knees, it was like everything inside him had been healed.

"You're alive-?!" Toby choked out. A part of him believed he were dreaming. His eyes scanned every fibre of your being, your hair, eyes, lips and.. the baby in your arms. His mouth hung agape and you couldn't help the stream of tears that came flooding down your cheeks. The brunette couldn't lie, he couldn't say that you looked well because you didn't. You looked.. so hungry, so weak and yet this beautiful child looked so healthy. "You- is that- am I?" All you could do was nod to his words as you approached him, Toby barely able to find the courage to look at the child in your arms. No, he had to make sure you were real first. His hand reached out, fingertips barely grazing over your cheekbones and there he smashed his lips against your own.

It took a lot of explaining and Toby was.. well, in shock for an hour or two as he tried to come to terms with it all. The idea that you did this.. alone. That you carried this child alone for months, that you gave birth alone. He should've been there, he would've been in a heartbeat!

But that voice in the back of his head reminded him of the words he spoke to you on the day that you announced you were pregnant. Oh, how they were not true.

Because as soon as he glanced at the baby, he knew in that moment that he wanted to be.. a father. Well, he wanted to try.

"She's beautiful.." he whispered, voice hoarse as he fought back the lump in his throat. Toby reached out but stopped himself. What if even a mere touch would make the baby disappear? What if.. somehow, he hurt her?! His expression pained as he hesitated, between wanting to love but being too afraid to do so. The both of you exchanged glances, your own look encouraging him silently. You trusted Toby, despite his nature, despite what he does; you knew he would never hurt her. And you relayed those very thoughts with a look alone as you gently urged the little bundle toward him. Toby wanted to decline but slowly, he took the baby within his own arms. He was awkward, freezing and sitting as still as he could, like she were made out of glass. It made you laugh. "You're not going to hurt her," you reassured with words this time. "But what if the day comes that I do?"

When Toby found out his daughters name were Lyla, he broke down into tears. He was crying so much that he kept calling himself 'such a little bitch' between each sob.

It was pretty funny.

But you didn't laugh, you just rubbed his shoulder reassuringly as he sobbed tears over his daughter.

Which prompted Lyla to whine softly.

And then Toby cried more because he thought he hurt her. Shit, this man was more hormonal than you were.

It took Toby many weeks to adjust to this new lifestyle and he tried his best to form a bond with his daughter. You had the pleasure of nine months to form a bond, Toby had no time to prepare at all.

But it was hard because every time he looked at her, his heart broke into a million tiny pieces.

She was too perfect, too beautiful and anxiety consumed him at the thought of losing her. He had just got you back!

And you were the two girls in his life he loved ever so dearly.

So, he insisted that he looked after her more. Despite the fact that every time he held her, he wanted to fucking die. He was too damn anxious for this shit.

Admittedly, as weeks turned into months, you were thankful for Toby's willingness to parent more often.

But it was hard at the start

It seemed Lyla hated Toby and it frustrated Toby each time she would cry whenever she were in his arms

She was clingy, and you understood both of their emotions.

So when Lyla was asleep, Toby would feel his emotions get the better of him too. He would be angry, but his anger turned more into sadness as he stormed off into the wilderness for some alone time.

And this happened often. Toby needed time and you understood this, a part of you feeling guilty for thrusting this parent role upon him so suddenly - especially after he expressed his discomfort with the idea of being a father.

But it was still early days.

And you were unsure on what happened that particular night but when Toby came back from his usual walks, he was a different man.

And when he gently scooped Lyla up into his arms, it seemed she noticed that too.

Perhaps it was the confidence? Or how calm he appeared?

Whatever it was, it seemed now they were inseparable.

The love in his gaze as he rocked Lyla gently in his arms, like he was holding his entire world and nothing was going to take that away from him.

Well, that was until Slender found out.

And it turned into a literal shit show.

The way Jack came storming into the cabin, bursting your little bubble you had created, your idea of a happy, normal family disappearing as quickly as you had dreamt it.

The panic on Toby's face as he knew.

And you knew.

You expected worse, but Slender was... forgiving.

You were unsure what was said, whether Jack had swayed his mind or perhaps if Toby promised some unspoken promise.

But the cabin you had given birth in was to become your home.

On one condition.

You were banished. No, you would not go back to society - especially not after the things you know and had seen, but you were to stay here until your death. Which would not be a peaceful death, but that day would come. For now, Lyla was fine and despite your worry about her future; Slender agreed that she would be fine.

You did not trust the entity's words. But you were thankful nevertheless.

"How the hell did you get so big?!" You heard Toby yell from the living room, Lyla's giggles followed. From the corner of your eye, Toby spun her around in the space of the living room. There was no denying that the scene warmed your heart, but also made you chew the bottom of your lip anxiously.

Toby always said that you worried about her too much and maybe you did, but fucking hell... if her ankle caught the table or her head on the wall! Rushing over, you quickly waved your arms out. "Whoaa, okay, hold on- she's gonna hurt herself or get sick-!" you quickly spoke, trying to pitch your voice a little louder than Lyla's giggles. Toby stopped momentarily, Lyla in his arms and he looked at you with a questioning look. "She's fine, see?" Toby held her out and she flopped in his arms, almost looking as if she were about to drop on the floor and instinctively you threw your hands out to catch her. The brunette could only chuckle as he bundled her up close to his chest. "You worry too much." Those same words again and you rolled your eyes, a soft crinkle of irritation evident in your brow. Lyla was.. fine and perhaps you did worry too much, but Toby didn't really understand the concept of.. gentle playing. Like the times he'd throw her in the air, it make you wanna vomit at the idea of her hitting her head on the roof, or god forbid - he drops her. She was too little for this roughness and deep down, she'd always be your little baby. But Lyla was nearly two and it broke your heart to admit that, as much as you enjoy watching her grow.

And she preferred playing with Toby than with you. Mostly because she was a carbon copy of Toby himself. From the nose to the hair colour. She had your eyes though, so screw you Toby.

Toby became the very man he promised himself he would become, the very father he wished he had himself.

Loving and caring. Lyla was most certainly Daddy's little girl and Toby wore that badge with pride.

If it weren't for the circumstances and for the fact that Toby does not own a wallet he'd have little pictures of his daughter nestled away inside the pocket of his wallet.

Despite the bumpy start, Lyla couldn't get enough of Toby and he ensured that every night he'd read her a bedtime story. He'd even fall asleep himself sometimes just beside her bed, other nights just wanting to sit close in case something were to happen.

Admittedly, a part of you worried that Toby was.. too attached to her.

But whenever they were together, Toby was healing something inside of him that he thought could never be healed.

And essentially, he was living a childhood he had always wished for through his own daughter.

Eventually, Lyla blossomed into a teenager and it was.... hell.

"I fucking hate this cabin, I hate being here! Why can't we be normal! What's with all this off the grid shit!" The voice yelled from down the hall. Oh, she wasn't wrong, Lyla had every right to be pissed but having to live with an angsty teenager that hated everyone and everything was a lot worse.

And Toby never, NEVER, did the punishments.

Just... strict words.

No, he couldn't trust himself, so let you deal with it.

But at times he would find himself taking Lyla outside for a walk to talk to her. To let her know that he was there if she wanted to talk.

And yes, Toby does 100% sneak her out to go to the nearest town.

All in all, Toby would be, against all odds, the best father he could offer. Though I do see him not wanting kids at all. I also HC that all the proxies are infertile anyway.

But if it were to play out, it'd probably be something like this. Toby would be the cool dad where you could just about get away with some stuff. Toby would also be one of those guys where he claims he hates the cat kid and then forms such a close bond with the cat kid.

Oh, and is this man protective of his children too. !

Very much refers to his children as 'sperm pet.' Or he pulls a Kratos and he's kinda like 'get 'ere, boy/girl.'

I RAMBLED TOO MUCH

I feel like I didn't really answer your question

I'm sorry. I will write more about this in the future though.

[midnight-mourning]

Christmas Spirit

❄️❄️Midnight's DCA December Day 12❄️❄️

woof, now we're REAL behind chat, apologies was busy but also like, feeling unwell, but here we are! hope you enjoy :)

Prompt: christmas request! Reader doesn't care for christmas since their relationship with their family isnt great and nearly ever christmas since they moved out included multiple fights or screaming matches; they just want to have a positive association with christmas and don't mind working on a holiday at their crazy but chill job with their favorite animatronic coworkers. And these fellow coworkers intend to make sure this christmas is a postive one even if theres silly mishaps here and there.

Word Count: 2048

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When you realized the date this morning, to say your heart sunk into your chest was an understatement. Sure, maybe it was a bit dramatic to go from chipper and ready for the day, to dragging your feet out the door, but to be fair, this wasn't exactly your favorite time of year. So, you think you had a little bit of a pass. 

Though, as you slam open the door to the Daycare just a tad too harshly, spooking Sun whilst he was mid-decorating, you cringe. Maybe not too much of a pass. 

He shakes it off, however, bounding over to you as happily as ever. "Good morning Sunshine! And how are we today?"

You decide to brush off your mistake. Based on the current state of things, he's very excited about the coming holiday, and you'd hate to ruin that for him. 

"I'm doing well, Sunny. And what about you? The place looks great!" You motion to how already, the Daycare is already well on its way to being totally decorated. It's impressive, to say the least. You left less than 24 hours ago, though he probably has a lot more time on his hands than you. 

He puts a hand to his faceplate, waving the other bashfully. "Oh, we're just getting started! Would you like to help?"

"Ah, I don't want to um, get in your way at all." Not to mention even the idea of touching a decoration makes you want to fling it across the room. Despite how ridiculous a notion that is. You shake your head. "I'll just get stuff set up for the day as usual!"

Sun hesitates a moment, rays shrinking. "Oh, okay then! Well, if you change your mind, just let me know! Always happy to have your touch with these things."

You're too distracted by your own discomfort to acknowledge the compliment. Instead only offering a quick nod and a smile as you march over to the craft station and start preparing. 

You'd hope that would be the end of things, but you weren't so lucky. All throughout the day, both sides of the Attendant seem to be ever curious about your thoughts on different holiday plans they have, asking your opinion on this or that. Whether they realize it or not, you can feel your weariness about the topic growing worse, and paitence wearing thin. 

It was only a matter of time before you cracked, and it happens at probably the worst moment to do so; puppet time. 

Sun decided to put on a Christmas themed show—of course—and had all but insisted for your help. Again, not wanting to cause issues, you agree. However, it's easier said than done. 

"—And we all just enjoy the holidays so much, don't we friend?" Sun asks, ever in character with his hand puppet.

You chuckle, awkward. "We sure do!"

"What's your favorite part of the season?" His little character does a spin on the mini stage. "Mine is making cookies, oh oh! And playing out in the snow, and wrapping presents for my friends!"

For some reason the question—which should have been expected—throws you for a loop. "Oh, well, I don't really have anything in particular. But I'd love to hear more about your favorite activities!"

"Oh come on, everyone has something that's their favorite." He presses, unintentionally pushing your buttons. 

At that moment all you can think about is all the years of arguing, fights, yelling. Family members bickering about things that don't matter, and yet, won't talk to each other for weeks afterward because of some minor slip of the tongue. Feelings of being isolated, alone, and utterly miserable creep in. 

You can't help the words that slip out then. "Well, some of us don't like Christmas very much at all!" You say, voice over the top with fake cheer.

Sun seems to take the hint then and thankfully, recovers the show from there. You're a bit embarrassed to need the save. You didn't think you'd lose your composure over a silly puppet show, but apparently, you were wrong. 

It's when you're packing things up to get ready for naptime that Sun broaches the topic once more.

"You, you don't like Christmas, Starshine?" Sun asks, voice soft. 

You take a deep breath, then shake your head. "I, no, not really. No." You see Sun's rays shrink, and put your puppet-free hand up. "But it's okay! Really don't let me bum you out any. I'm sorry I lost my cool for a moment there. It won't, won't happen again."

Before you can speak on it any further, you turn away, heading to start getting naptime mats out and such. Had you not, you would have seen Sun's hand reaching out for you, concern and care clearly evident on his features. 

After that little incident, neither Attendant talks to you about the holiday in detail again. You still discuss activities as usual, but they don't ask specifics of you anymore. You're relieved, but you do feel bad. You hope to make it up to them by having an easy day of work on Christmas itself. 

Get some organization done, clean up some things that you've been putting off, that kind of thing. Hell, maybe you'll even tolerate some holiday music while you work too. 

When you walk inside bright and early on Christmas morning however, Sun nearly jumps out of his skin upon seeing you. At least, you think he would have if he did have skin, that is. 

"Sunbeam! Wha—what are you doing here today?" He rushes over to you. 

You smile and start taking off your coat. "I work today, Sun. Obviously."

After removing your hat and scarf, you grab your apron, brushing it off once or twice before clapping. "So, I was thinking we tackle the craft closet first and foremost, and then go from there with all our usual stuff, that sound good?"

When he doesn't answer you turn, only to jump when you realize he's right behind you, rays flicking side to side. He takes hold of your shoulders and bends to your level. 

"Starshine."

"Sun." You nod. 

His grip tightens for a moment, then loosens. He narrows his eyes. "We, are not. Working. On. Christmas."

"Well I'm already here—"

He shakes his head, picking you up suddenly. "Nope. Absolutely not. I won't allow it. If you're going to be here then we're going to make this right."

"Hey! Put me down! Where are you even taking me?" You kick your legs in vein, now slightly annoyed. Before you thought he was just joking, but now you realize he's dead serious. 

You get your answer when he sets you down in a bean bag. Taking a moment to snatch up a blanket with one hand and untie your apron with the other. Before you can blink, the blanket is laid across you, you have several Christmas themed stuffed animals surrounding you, there's a set of antlers on your head, along with a coloring book in your lap. 

Sun nods once down at you, hands on his hips. "Now, you get started on that and I'll get you some hot coco. Okay?"

"What, but—"

But he's already off again, "Don't move~ I'll be just a moment!"

Deciding that you're better off to indulge for a little bit, as opposed to outright protesting, you do as he asks. And, while not your favorite thing in the world, sitting and coloring in the peace of the Daycare, holiday music playing softly around you, is nice. 

Sun's gone for longer than you would have expected. Especially for just a cup of premade hot chocolate. But, when he eventually returns you do take the time to thank him for the quick break, that you appreciate the thought, and that you're ready to actually get started for the day. 

Surprisingly—suspiciously—he agrees. 

You won't admit to longing for the warmth of the cozy nest you leave as you stand, but the longing isn't allowed to last for long. Sun's hand is tightly wound with yours as he leads you out of the Daycare and towards the theater. 

You take a sip of your drink, confused but still following. "Um, did you want to start with the theater's supply closet then?"

"Friend, when I said no work on Christmas, I wasn't kidding." He stops just short of the entrance, energy now becoming more antsy. 

He lets go of your hand and you frown. "I told you it's alright, Sunny. I don't mind, honestly."

"I know! We know, but,"—he shakes his head—"We want to, change that. Make it up to you! If, you'll let us?"

He's looking to you now. You're hesitant, of course you are, but you can at least hear him out. "Sure, bud."

"If you don't like it, that's okay too! We just, wanted to try." He turns slightly and starts to open the door.

You open your mouth to respond but are instead taken aback by how pretty the theater looks. There's warm lights strung across the ceiling, decorations of red and green that sparkle. A medium sized tree with decorations laying nearby sits near the middle of the room. Snowflakes in all intricate patterns litter the space. There's a video of a yule log playing on the screen, and music softly twinkles around you. 

While not as intense as the Daycare in terms of the level of Christmas-vibes, there's something more, comforting, about it. Something maybe a bit more familiar, that unlocks a memory you'd left behind back when you were much smaller. 

"When did you find the time for all of this?" You ask quietly. You'd been in here just yesterday and it looked nothing like this. 

Sun comes up behind you, hand on your shoulder. "Just now. We just thought that maybe something a bit more relaxed, but still festive, could be fun for you? We can decorate the tree, or, or watch movies, or dance. Whatever you would like, honestly. Whatever you want." 

"Whatever I want?" You look up to him, almost unable to speak.

He looks down to you and after a pause, wraps his arms around you with a nod. "No one should be sad during the holidays, Star. And it's, it's not our business why but, well, we just want to try and change that for a little bit. To try and make you a little happier."

The tears well up before you can stop them. 

Sun starts panicking. "Oh! Don't cry. It's okay, we can just go back to the Daycare—"

"No, no it's okay, really." You sniff. Your reaches up to his faceplate, halting his fretting. "They're happy tears. I'm very grateful. And emotional."

He relaxes into your touch, but his tone is still concerned. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah I,"—you shake your head—"You know what? Let me just show you."

Without thinking further, you raise your other hand and pull his faceplate down to your lips. You release him again after a moment, giggling. 

Sun's rays click, then—"Just to be sure, Moon would also like you to show him."

This causes you to laugh outright, and soon enough you're in the naptime attendant's arms instead. 

You spend the rest of your day in higher spirits than you would have otherwise expected for the holiday. The attendant takes turns doing the various activities they planned with you. And maybe it's only because it's with them, or because of the new relationship you've found yourself in, but you find it all to be so much more bearable than before. More than bearable really, enjoyable. Truly and completely, enjoyable. For the first time in a long time. 

"What are you thinking of, Star?" Moon asks as the two of you dance across the room. 

You shake your head, smiling. "Just about how much I appreciate the two of you, is all."

"Just appreciate?"

You scoff. "I think you know by now it's more than that. Don't even think of trying to scam me out of more kisses."

He snickers in response. 

Just the music for a moment. 

"Thank you, guys. It means a lot."

Moon bends you for a dip, leaning in. "Merry Christmas, Starlight."

"Merry Christmas, Moon."

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Thank you for the request @pip-plz!! Was fun to take this and make something wholesome, esp as someone who hasn't always had a fun holiday experience myself, hope I did it some justice!

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[fellow-fandom-fruitifier]

This is a part two to this post, because @/senseless12 asked for one, so here you go!!!!!

After the cemetery scene Niko catches up with Edwin. He's still riled up and emotional and having someone so kind and understanding next to him has him finally opening up about everything. She finds out that Edwin is so convinced it's his fault he's in Hell, that if he could just like girls everything would be okay. But instead he went and fell head over heels for his BOY best friend.

Niko, as wonderful as she is, is only sixteen. She can't help him. Not in the way he needs. So instead she hugs him in the dirty grass under withering trees and tells him it'll be okay. Let Edwin cry 2k24.

Back with Charles and Crystal is dead, dreadful silence. Neither feel good, not at all. Crystal can't believe she assumed Edwin did something horrible enough to deserve Hell when, in reality, it was a tragic incident. She feels like everything David ever said she was.

And Charles can't believe Edwin never told him -- which makes him feel like the world's biggest hypocrite -- and he can't believe he ever doubted his best mate. He never should've doubted Edwin. Not for a second. Not the boy who he's spent over 30 years with, the boy who read to him as he was dying despite his fear of Death.

The contemplative, guilty silence is broken by Maren calling Crystal. Everything gets shoved aside to find Niko and Edwin and continue the case. (Crystal doesn't comment on their state -- not the protective, scolding furrow to Niko's red, watery eyes; and certainly not Edwin's defeated, disheveled slouch. The way his bowtie is more crooked than normal, nor the way his eyes aren't any better than Niko's. She sucks in the guilt and holds it somewhere close to her heart. Hard and heavy and deserved.)

(Charles tries, he opens his mouth, closes it, and tries again. But what can he say to make this better? He can't make anything better.)

So they continue the case, everything goes pretty much the same if more stilted, and job well jobbed.

As I'm sure we all know, the Monty kiss is this episode. It would happen the exact same way, but now Edwin's thinking he's just undone all his progress in begging for leniency. Maybe they could forgive him if he never gave into these sinful urges, but if he did? He wouldn't stand a chance.

AND! Because Niko went with the gang last time, there was no Jenny x Maxine date!! (Sorry guys but the poor girl can only be in one place at a time. If you can find a way to fit it in, go ham!!) So there's no reason for her to rip down her love decor.

Crystal still loses her powers and shit. Then Monty appears with his Glady's case and Edwin is caught between wanting to fix it and worried about further damnation. Niko tries to insist that her and Edwin stay back, and neither Crystal or Charles feel like they can argue, Monty tries but the look on Niko's face shuts him right up. In the end it's Edwin who tells her it's okay. She should stay back and rest, he understands work doesn't help her the same way it helps him.

And so, reluctantly, Niko let's them go off. (She winds up pestering Jenny so much out of worry, so Jenny still snaps at her. Niko has her whole thing but instead she feels like no matter how hard she tries, she can't be a good enough friend -- and what if she makes everything worse? -- and should just hide away. Jenny helps.)

The Glady's case goes very similar but Crystal is actively trying not to be as mean to Edwin, and Edwin is trying to pretend like everything is normal and that yesterday didn't happen. Unfortunately, there's not much to change with the Monty-Cat King-Edwin and Charles-Crystal-David scenes. Nor Teeth Face.

After all is said and done, they get home. And Crystal finally pulls Edwin to the side for an apology and he laughs because she's not any better at apologizing. But he reluctantly admits that it's not like he gave her many reasons to like him, and they both agree to try and be less hostile.

The next day Edwin finally decides he's had enough keeping secrets from Charles so, with the help from an over-the-moon Niko, he gets all dressed up and heads over to Crystal's. Niko drags Crystal off excitedly whispering that she'll explain later, but they need to give the boys some space. Insert the Night Nurse. WOMP WOMP

Edwin, down in Hell, has a second to think. He's been hiding this from Charles for thirty odd years and the secong he finally confesses is when he gets dragged off. Maybe he deserves it. To be down here. I mean, it could just be a cruel coincidence, but with Hell there's no such thing as coincidences or mistakes. The Night Nurse said so herself.

The scene with Simon and Despair goes very similar, the biggest difference is that Edwin doesn't truly believe what he's saying but. Niko does. And maybe that's enough.

Charles comes down and, as I mentioned in this additional post, Edwin confesses on the stairway to try and convince Charles to leave him. That someone of his predisposition doesn't deserve to be saved by someone as good as Charles. Charles says fuck that.

He doesn't give a shit who Edwin likes, he's actually honoured it's him, and anyone else Edwin ever likes should feel the damn same. And Edwin should never ever feel ashamed for things outside of his control, and if Hell truly wants to take him for liking boys then they'll have to go through Charles first. (Knowing Edwin's gay -- and loves him -- snowballs Charles bi awakening bcz, like, if Edwin's queer then it can't be wrong. Bcz it's Edwin. And nothing about Edwin is wrong or bad, obviously.)

So they escape, Niko badasses all over the place, and hugs go all around. Crystal takes her memory balls and oh God, time to run away!!!! Niko absolutely told Crystal about Edwin's attempted confession in this AU so I don't think she would kiss Charles goodbye. At least, not in front of Edwin. She wants to be a better person and is viscerally aware how dickish it would be to kiss her friends crush in front of them, even if he's hers too.

Fuck Esther, Niko dies (As Edwin would say, "NOOOOO!! NIKOOO!!!!!!") Edwin would maybe kiss the Cat King's cheek? In this AU Edwin is still not very accepting of himself even after everything, so if he does kiss Cat King it's very tentative and unsure, but hopeful. He's nowhere near as confident and cunty about it as canon. They go back to London and Night Nurse Night Nurses all over the place.

Post canon Cryland could go a couple ways, but the way I imagine it is this: Charles needs time to think, which Crystal expected. She's not happy about it but she did expect it. She feels like a third wheel a good chunk of the time until something happens that brings her and Edwin closer. Where Niko helped Edwin start his journey accepting his queerness, Crystal will help accept his femininity. They are such big gossips, they love RuPaul's Drag Race, and she slowly works him up into allowing makeovers.

Now, Charles is supportive, but feeling kinda left out. He has no idea what goes on in their sleepover, just that Crystal says no straight boys allowed. (With a meaningful, challenging glint to her eye. Emphasis on straight.) Finally, Edwin and Crystal fold to his puppy eyes and allow him in on a sleepover. Now, if you know a single thing about girls/gays inviting straight boys to sleepovers, you know exactly what happened. They use him as a dress up doll but he can't even be mad because they're getting along and LITERALLY GIGGLING. Also he's never seen Edwin with lipstick before and it's Doing Something™️ to him.

More angst because nothing can stay happy for long. Charles is confused and trying to figure himself out, and while Edwin can wait forever, Crystal can't. She might start to push him for answers, get impatient, etc. In the end they have a fight or something and Crystal decides she can't do this on and off situationship anymore, so she takes a break from the agency.

Now it's Edwin's turn to be caught in the middle, comforting both Charles and Crystal to the best of his abilities. But this isn't something he's used to. Maybe he messes up, says the wrong thing, and now one of them is angry with Edwin. (I personally think it would hurt more for it to be Charles. Edwin could try and explain Crystal's side of things, and Charles could take it as Edwin blaming him. So now the entire agency is in shambles. Night Nurse is also probably breathing down Edwin's neck.)

Crystal, as hurt as she is, isn't going to let Charles misinterpret Edwin and take their argument out on him. So, despite how hurt she is, and Edwin's protests, she storms over to the agency and confronts Charles. Which is ironically how they finally figure their shit out because, as upset they may be at each other, they both agree it isn't fair to give each other the cold shoulder and force Edwin to take the brunt of their frustrations. They realize that Edwin has also been taking the brunt of the Night Nurse and both decide to give him a break. Crystal deals with the paperwork for a month and Charles deals with the meetings and Night Nurse directly. (They don't understand how Edwin did this single-handedly for weeks and swear to never fight again.💀💀)

( @mirabel-on-a-bicycle also asked for more so here u go!!!!)

[misspelledwordswizard]

Hello there!✨️ First of all, I wanted to say that your writing is amazing! Keep up the good work ;3.

Anyway, I wanted to make a request (if you have too many, please ignore this. Don't overwork yourself). This might be a little cliche, but here is what I had in mind. "The Chain x Mulan!Reader." Mostly their reaction when they find out that the reader is a female.

Like the boys, the reader has the spirit of the hero, but in her time, women aren't allowed to fight or do anything that the men do at all. So, just like Mulan, the reader runs away from home, pretends to be a boy, and fights against Ganon's armies. Even after meeting the Chain, her identity remains hidden. One day, she gets badly hurt, and when they tend to her wounds that's when they notice that he is a she.

You can ignore this if you want ^^, but yeah, that is basically my request. Have a great day, evening, or night.

Again, your work is amazing! ✨️✨️✨️👏✨️✨️✨️

Oh, you are so sweet, thank you so much!!! I really loved doing this, did I mention I love mixing fandoms? cuz I love it so much! Anyway, I hope you like it, dear <3333

The fight against the group of Bokoblins was going smoothly, that is until a Moblin appeared, right behind me, while I was dealing with one of them, a particularly strong one. I must admit that I’ve had better days, this wasn’t a day when I was lucky, I dare say I was very unlucky today, but that was certainly the worst part. 

I barely had time to turn around to see the monster before being hit hard by its attack, and suddenly, Boom, I blacked out. Darkness, I can’t feel my body, and I don’t even know what was happening to my companions. My mind guided me to the day I met them, my fellow heroes, who bore a similar fate to mine, with one small big difference, of course. 

It was a strange day a few months ago, I passed through a suspicious portal thinking it might be some kind of enemy attack, and suddenly I fall in front of nine heroes of Hyrule from different eras.  They welcomed me as one of their own, even though I wasn’t so sure about it myself, and since then we’ve been working together on this mission to stop the shadow and its abnormally strong monsters. Simple, right? 

Wrong, not simple at all. Of course, I already have some experience in hiding my true gender, after all, I had to do it throughout my adventure to save Hyrule in the past, the problem is that now I was constantly surrounded by men! This ended up becoming a huge nightmare. As much as I like the boys, as much as I now see them as my own family, I don’t know if I can tell them the truth. No one knows about this secret of mine, and I fear how they might react, so I’ve been avoiding the subject. 

It was hard, really hard.  Like the times they decided to all go into the river together to cool off, it was hard enough to deal with all those shirtless men without freaking out, and it was even worse because they expected me to do the same, and when I didn’t, they were all over me, worried, thinking there was something wrong, that maybe I was sick or insecure about scars, which they made a point of giving me a lecture about how normal it was, and that I should be proud of mine, because they showed that I was a survivor. Very welcoming, but I still didn’t go in. 

Even with these difficulties, so far, I have managed to hide my secret well, for my own safety. Until now. 

When I finally woke up from my blackout, I felt lost, it took me a while to notice the new environment and my traveling companions who had gathered around me. I was lying on the bed of an inn, everyone was looking at me with curiosity and concern as I tried to sit up in bed, the blanket slipped, revealing that I was without my tunic.  I wore a girdle around my torso that helped to reduce the volume of my bust and keep it mostly hidden, but without the layers of clothing to disguise it, there was no way they could help but notice my visibly feminine silhouette, and it was quite obvious that they had already noticed it. 

It didn’t take long for panic to start to hit me, all the nervousness, the anguish that I kept along with my secrets, ready to overflow. I could feel my own body reacting to this, heating up uncomfortably, and apparently the others noticed it too. Time approached me and rubbed my back gently, in an attempt to calm me down. 

— Calm down, breathe, it’s okay, you don’t need to be nervous. 

— I... – Tears overcame me before I could formulate a complete sentence, which made the task even more difficult. – I’m sorry! I had to do this, no one would ever accept that the hero of the kingdom was a woman, it was the only way. I didn’t have the courage to tell you because I didn’t want you to see me as incapable or treat me differently, please, please don’t hate me! 

The tears, the occasional sobs and my crying voice only made everything harder to understand, and I didn’t have the courage to look them in the eyes, I didn’t want to see their faces of disappointment. The wound on my back hurt as I curled up trying to hide my humiliation. 

— Hate you? What the hell are you talking about, why would we hate you, girl?! – The Veteran’s somewhat aggressive voice left me confused about how I should feel, but his sentence left me confused. 

— Yeah, there’s no reason for that, my dear, it’s understandable that you were afraid to reveal your secret when you were raised with such prejudiced thoughts, but that just shows us how strong you were. – The calmness in Sky’s speech was comforting, but I was still confused. Didn’t they care, really? 

— Your gender doesn’t change who you are, nor does it make you weaker or more incapable, it just shows how amazing you are for being able to deal with all of this! – The Champion’s excitement and support helped me gather courage and look at them again. 

— But... aren’t you mad that I hid this from you? – Even calmer, my crying voice still remained as I sniffled trying to control myself. Twilight just shook her head, as if this was an absurd idea.   

— Of course not, you were just protecting yourself, darlin’.  

— Actually, now that makes a lot of sense, it explains a few things... – The Traveler says thoughtfully, before turning his attention back to me. – And most importantly, are you feeling any pain? – I just shake my head negatively, it was nothing serious, it seems like my injury was practically healed.  

— Look, no matter what they say, you’re one of us, okay? Never forget that. – Warriors speaks in a soft and comforting voice, and I tried hard not to burst into tears again, wiping the tears before they could fall and giving a smile that was a mix of relief and happiness.  

Wind approached me and hugged me tightly, I couldn’t hold it this time and shed a few tears seeing my boy being so affectionate and understanding, partly also because this hug was very close to where I had been hit, but he didn’t need to know that.  I hug him back until he finally pulls away to look at me, wiping away his own tears. 

— Look how cool, now besides being able to say that I have eight super cool older brothers, I can also say that I have an even cooler older sister! – His excitement at this fact made me laugh, and I ruffled his hair affectionately.  

— To tell you the truth, I already knew. – Four’s speech made everyone’s attention turn to him. – I mean, there were some small details that made me suspicious, but I kept quiet, especially since the secret wasn’t mine. I figured you’d say something when you felt ready, and I didn’t see any problem with that. – He just shrugged naturally. His cunning and intelligence sometimes scares me, usually those with the hero’s spirit don’t use their brains much, we usually leave that job to the princesses.  

— By the way... – My attention went back to the Sailor, who seemed thoughtful. – Is your name really Link?  

— No! – I said and laughed at the suspicious expression the youngest gave me.  – I just used it as a codename, if I used my real name, it would be pretty obvious that I’m a woman. And also, that’s the Hero’s name, right? – Everyone seemed to agree with the logic, but it didn’t diminish their curiosity about my real name, which I had no problem revealing. 

— Well, at least now you’ll be lucky enough to be called by your name, unlike the rest of us who have to deal with this bunch of nicknames to try to differentiate ourselves! – Legend pointed out, making me laugh. 

I can get used to being called by my real name again. 

[velvetvexations]

hi velvet, i hope this ask finds you well. something happened to me irl a month or two ago and i just cant stop thinking about it, it just shocked and frustrated me so much

so i was hanging out with a couple of my friends (a cis guy who i will call S and two transfems, M and B) at M and B's dorm room, and we were all having a good time, horsing around for a bit and then we eventually got to talking about M's family and their reaction to her being queer and trans. her parents are a little weird about it but supportive enough that she's allowed to openly wear what she wants and date who she wants. after she was done sharing i shared a little bit about my family (very unsupportive, i never plan on coming out to them or sharing anything about my love life to them in any way if i can help it. i am 3 months on T and i plan on never telling them, if the topic of it comes up im just gonna straight up lie.)

after i shared a bit she kind of interrupted me and said "at least you get the short end of the trans stick you know?" and i asked her "huh what are you talking about" "you know, us trans girls they just kill us they kind of just leave you alone (in a sort of jokey tone)" and i looked at S and B to gauge their reactions and they both looked really uncomfortable and like they didn't know what to say. so i said "no?? they kill us too" B and S nodded a little bit and then M said "yeah but they like give you some extra time first at least (laughing nervously a bit)" "yeah thats when they're raping us, corrective rape is a huge issue for trans men" (in hindsight this was fucked up to say but i was upset and wanted to point out that trans men don't get extra grace from transphobes) and then we changed the subject

that whole interaction has really stuck with me, it really really sucked to have TRF rhetoric literally said to my face by someone who i really like and respect and love spending time with :(( ive talked to S about it a couple of times to try and get it off my chest but understandably he stays out of trans infighting discourse so he's just like "yeah that was weird it's understandable that it hurt your feelings" and thats all he has to say on the matter and i havent talked to B about the incident bc M is its roommate and best friend and i don't wanna split hairs but it's refreshing that it agreed with me in the moment

i just don't know that was a shitty moment that happened for sure

I'm very sorry, anon. I'm gullible and always looking for the best in people, but also in case it might help you process it, it sounds like maybe she realized she said something massively wrong and awkwardly tried to walk it back with a joke that made it worse? Like she is not necessarily a complete apricot-aligator which, I know, low bar, but. IDK maybe talk to her about it? Hopefully she'd understand and yall would be able to clear the air.

[gouraminnow]

One Piece / Straw hats with a Reader who struggles with ASI (Autistic Self Injury)

Warnings: Self harm, primarily

ASI is sometimes referred to as Non-Suicidal Self Injury, and it's typically not done deliberately the way "standard" SH is. It can be because of both under or over-stimulation, or sometimes it can just be a form of stimming that happens to be physically harmful. This isn't exclusive to autism, it's also common w/ compulsion based disorders such as OCD.

Disclaimer: I'm not a professional of any sort I'm just a guy who has it. My experience is not universal and most of this will be based on how I experience and deal with these problems.

POST THAT CATERS TO ME BEFORE ANYBODY ELSE HERE WE GO!!!

In all honesty One Piece is so chock-full of quirky and frankly weird people that I don't think an autistic person would phase most characters all that much. Not saying ableism wouldn't exist at all, but like. Franky is here. I don't think most lower-support needs autistic people would even be noticed by anyone other than some of the doctor characters and I don't think high-support needs people would be treated badly (By the more... decent characters, anyway). I mean hell I will always go to bat for autistic Luffy hcs, as well as Robin and Usopp to a degree but ANYWAY!

Before everyone is used to it, the site of you doing it (while upset especially) has everyone scrambling to grab you and stop it from continuing. There is… a good chance this upsets you even more, having your new crewmates suddenly swarming you... it takes a bit of back and forth, explaining that this is just normal for you.

Luffy is the one I thought of first... I've always been a biter. Whether it's nails or biting open the skin on my hands it's one of the forms I personally struggle with a lot. Now I may think Luffy is autistic but this does NOT mean I think he'd immediately understand/get it. Obligatory "autism is a spectrum" spiel, a lot of us butt heads if we have conflicting symptoms/struggles. Luffy is sympathetic, and worried about you, but he's also very blunt and there's a good chance he'd argue with you over it. What are you upset about? Clearly something's wrong, if you're doing this. What do you mean you don't notice? You're bleeding. Doesn't it hurt? This is bad for you. He's worried, so just cut it out already!

You tell him it's just an impulse you don't think about, like wiping your nose or tapping your foot. It doesn't really hurt until someone points it out, or if you accidentally do something really bad. His brows screw up, and he stares at you very intently. He says if you can't stop, then he WILL help you the next time it happens. You're a little put off, and have the suspicion that he doesn't really get it, but... well, he clearly means well. It's nice that he worries about you, and that even while ignorant in some aspects of his concern, he doesn't belittle or blame you for these behaviors... ultimately, you feel pretty okay about how things went.

Until the next time he sees you doing it, he launches across the ship to shove his nasty, grubby-ass hands into your mouth. "It doesn't hurt me!" he exclaims, while you try to cuss him out and avoid gagging on his stupid, rubbery fingers. "You need to bite, so bite me! This way hurts nobody, shishishi!" You shriek, the two of you toppling over onto the deck. Sanji or Nami smack him over the head to get him off of you. It wasn't what you'd call helpful, but... if he's out on deck or in the room with you, there's a little self-check you run through to make sure nothing your doing will warrant... that. So maybe it does sort of work?

Luffy has a similar approach to other forms of ASI too. Skin picking and hair pulling? Hitting yourself? Yeah he's going koala mode(animal that clings. Not the character) and wrapping himself around you, restraining your limbs. Which unfortunately has a high chance of making the urge worse, if it's compulsion based...

Now, Chopper has heard of this, and read about it, but he hasn't actually seen it in person yet. The first time he sees you doing it, it's shortly after you've joined. He goes to meet with you- every new member gets a check-up just to make sure everything's in working order! He finds you in the aquarium bar, absentmindedly gazing at the fish... but when he calls to you, you turn, and reveal the bloody mess of your hand- nails chewed far past the quick. He freaks out, which probably freaks you out, which attracts the attention of the others, and...

Yeah. That could've gone better. It takes a bit for you two to calm down. There's a chance he might think this is a more standard form of self-harm, and feel guilty because you're so unhappy you'd do this to yourself... when he learns the actual reason, he... still feels pretty guilty for not noticing or considering the possibility sooner. But he's the one who briefs everyone else on the details, possibly even you if you don't know you're autistic or why you do these things. I don't think these types of diagnoses or the terminology surrounding them are well known in the OP universe, so there's a good chance you don't have clue what your own problem is. Either way, everybody knows now.

Chopper lays down the basics. There's the passive SH you don't even notice, reflexive the way scratching an itch or brushing away hair is. Then there's the kind that you do because you're upset or overwhelmed in some way. It's not so simple as just stopping. You need other outlets when you feel the urges start up. He works with you to try and practice healthier grounding and coping strategies, and the others fall in line.

Nami isn't great about it if she sees it before Chopper tells everybody what's up... means well, but scolding you or grabbing you directly does not help the urges go away. She means well, but she's used to the other knuckleheads and their more... deliberate brand of dipshittery. Much more patient once she's been told the details, whether from you or Chopper.

If Nami catches you picking at your skin, it's pretty common for her to hand you a tangerine to peel. It's similar enough to skin, she reasons, it might be a good alternative. And then you can eat it afterward instead of chewing on yourself. It's a two-in-one solution! Both of you fail to consider how easily citrus juice gets inside a hand-wound though... after the first incident, it's a solution for picking at any other body parts. You can hang out in the map room with her for a little bit of peace and quiet, as long as you don't distract her. She might explain some of her work to you if you're interested.

She'll smack around any of the others if they upset/overwhelm you, whether it's actually enough to start up the sh. Her yelling might not help, but it is nice to feel supported... she'll get you jewelry to fidget with instead, and take you clothes shopping for things that don't set off sensory issues(AND look flattering, of course). Her and Robin will paint your nails. The dried polish is another better peeling/picking alternative to skin and hair. Nami adds the prices of the jewelry and nail polish to the debt of whoever accidentally sets you off.

Robin is a little better about it. If you hit yourself, or bang your head against another surface, she'll use her power to summon hands that cushion your blows. If she sees the scratching, hair pulling, etc. she asks you about it- the question usually enough to ground you and realize it's happening, if you aren't already.

She's good at redirecting you. Has you come relax somewhere quieter with her if you're overwhelmed. Works with Nami in regards to the clothes and nail polish, but also has good chapstick recommendations, since chapped lips are a big problem for lots of people with dermatillomania.

A relaxing person to be around in general (unless you're offput by her morbid comments) and is good to talk to. You admit you feel a bit ridiculous having these issues on a crew chock-full of such accomplished individuals. Childish, even. She chuckles, asking how you can say that living on the same boat as Luffy, of all people? You're hardly the only person here with self-destructive habits and it's far from your only defining trait. And though for differing reasons, both her and Brook commiserate with you regarding the loneliness and feelings of isolation a lot of autistic people face. The struggle of not understanding or being understood in turn...

Insists on you joining her and Nami while they relax, on occasion. Makes Sanji dote on you too, if you aren't a woman and he isn't already.

Speaking of Sanji, he's also good at redirecting you. The kitchen is his domain, but if you're in a rut and it'll help keep your hands busy without overwhelming you, he'll give you something to do. Help chop, help peel, here the eggs are done boiling so be a dear and help with the ice bath, won't you? Won't let you chop onions or chilis even if you insist you'll be fine.

And if you're a chewer/biter, he always has some sort of snack to give you. Finds you chewing your knuckles and shoves some Hors d'Oeuvres at you. Takes care to figure out which textures you like vs. can't handle as well. If you're hitting yourself, he sticks some thick oven mitts on your hands. It's not... perfect, by any means, but it's better.

Zoro hears the way you talk about some of it. The feeling of some sort of tense, uncomfortable energy that fills you, and the desperate need to get it out. Tearing at yourself, hitting yourself, banging your head against something to try and alleviate the feeling. He... thinks he sort of gets it, actually. Not in the same way but he gets antsy and weird if he doesn't get to do something active for too long. Is it something like that..? Passively mentions that weight training might help. It's worth a shot, and you're free to come join him if you'd like to try. And you think it over. Maybe the straining of your muscles would provide a similar and healthier form of relief, while also achieving something productive at the same time... so you make your way up to the crow's nest one day, and he's happy to see you there, truly!

But... Zoro has come a long way since he first joined. He knows he's stronger than you, but misjudged just how big the gap was. He walks you through the proper postures and stances for lifting, only for you both to face a bit of a rude awakening...

You can't lift any of his weights... both of you feel a little awkward, to say the least. And you're a bit disheartened. He makes a plan to get a beginner's set for you, but Usopp and/or Franky probably beat him to the punch and build a training set.

Usopp and Franky work together. Or, well, more like they both get the idea to design fidgety little devices for you, and Usopp nervously tells Franky that they probably shouldn't double as armable explosives or mini missile launchers. There should probably be a clearer line drawn between something you absentmindedly fiddle with and a weapon of mass destruction. He nods earnestly. That's a good point, bro... Guess they'll just make em both separately! SUUUPERRRR!!!!!!

If you have hair pulling issues, Usopp suggests some sort of bandana to cover and pull your hair back like his, just as an added barrier between your hands and your scalp. On top of that, he insists on wrapping bandaids on your fingertips to make picking of all sorts much harder, and makes little finger-caps with Franky when the bandaids also interfere with more regular tasks. For hitting, with Chopper's advice, they make padded gloves, vests/coats to wear that help cushion the blows. They make more covert options too, like chest guards that can be worn under normal clothes. They run their drafts by you, making sure they're not uncomfortable to wear.

Franky's "SUUUPEERRRR!!" is just as likely to become a stim as it is to be overwhelming, honestly. He fashions some noise-canceling headphones for you. When Nami learns about these, she wants her own pair, too.

Brook is always ready to help sooth you with music, but sometimes the elegant notes of a violin can become a pitchy whine to you if you're already overstimulated. It just depends on the situation. It can get to him if he accidentally makes things worse for you, but he tries not to take it personally.

But it often does work. If he's not adding to a racket and things have quieted down, sometimes starting up a song will have your hands fall to your sides without you realizing you were hurting yourself in the first place. He's very giddy about it when he pulls this off but tries not to be obvious. Subtlety isn't exactly his thing, though.

He makes a joke from a place of concern- that if you keep tearing at yourself like this, you'll end up a skeleton just like him. If it bothers you, he'll never make a joke like it again. He isn't trying to be cruel, he just likes to deal with things by being silly. If you do like it, and he gets a laugh out of you, it becomes a running gag. "You know, they say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. But as much as I would enjoy having another skeleton on board, this really isn't good for you..."

[yokelish]

Well, I might have argued my point in slightly wrong direction. It's not "bad writing" that I have issues, it's the writing that's lacking. The foundations are there, no one bothered to actually build anything on it tho. My main argument for Neve/Lucanis relationship isn't that it's bad., it's doomed. Because the game gives me little to no reason to think otherwise with the writing that you are presented in the game. Nevanis as a relationship is underdeveloped to a point of coming across as fairly superficial. It's not that Neve and Lucanis are bad for each other. It's worse. They are nothing each other. They are an indulgence, a pleasant, romantic dalliance in shitty times. The writing doesn't suggest they can make each other better. It doesn't suggests they can make each other worse. it suggests next to nothing outside of, frankly, hottest banter. I love it. I hate it.

There is potential. It's wasted. It's ignored. The game wants to sell me an idea and gives me no reason to buy into it. Veilguard is actually very good at this. For example, the game tries to sell me I can trick Solas with a fake dagger. It gives me no reason to believe I could actually do it outside of "you are the main character". The game wants to introduce you ideas it doesn't even want you to sell on. You can discuss with Davrin the future of griffons, say that there is no changing one nature, say that redemption and change are impossible. But then give griffons to Arlathan, to embrace change, and Davrin won't even say "Huh. That's surprising."

Nevanis isn't inherently bad, its just the writing is so terribly lacking. The point of writing a relationship is you actually believe it. I am incredibly skeptical of any relationship that is happening because proximity and war times. I believe Taash and Harding relationship because of how it was written. I believe the romance between Dorian and Bull lasting -- not forever maybe-- but at least 5-7 years. Because of how it was written. Emmrich and Strife are put into an interesting place because one person is not your companion so you can't really know. But the very little you can gather about Emmrich and Strife is that a. they are both mature men who are not new to this game b. they take this relationship seriously c. neither is a stranger to more impermanent romances so whichever way their relationship swings is totally fine. If it's forever? Ok. If it's temporary? Fine too. They can be Dorian and Bull. They can be Blackwall and Josie. Even where Emmrich and Strife take place is more compelling.

An argument can be made that Nevanis takes place in the same space as Emmrife. And I can will agree with you, under the condition that the relationship is far more likely to be temporary. Their lives are duty bound, they both live in a lot of darkness (talk about balance Davrin, it's hard to make light when you never had to), their lives are always on the line, they bond over said darkness a lot....

Lucanis and Neve are only as interesting as the questions you shouldn't be asking. Especially if Lucanis is the Hardened one. Because after Lucanis gets hardened, they just kinda leave him there. Hardened against what? Mostly the player. But also not. Because certain cutscenes do not change regardless of where Lucanis stands with you. Hardened Lucanis and Rook relationship should have been complicated, but it's also not. Hardened Lucanis could have developed a more Spite-inclined streak, he could have grown more selfish, tired and traumatized by people who either see him as an obstacle or a tool. But he doesn't? Not really? Hardened Neve is much better written in my opinion, especially -- again, my opinion -- if you only pursue platonic friendship. Because Hardened Neve going through the turmoil of romantic feelings is expected, Hardened Neve going through "you let me down once why now have you decided to support me and why do i feel so fucking grateful for having a friend in you' is another.

I would like to emphasize: it's fair you as the leader of the Veilguard, get the brunt of the Hardened Character. You made the call, you live with the consequence. Consequence being one of your companions and their dynamics with you is irrevocably changed. That's fine. What's more upsetting that complexity -- the compelling factor, the oomf that should have happened -- of Hardened Lucanis's journey gets chucked into the Fade Prison. They made the decision to Harden Neve and Lucanis when writing them. Could they have added a bit more for Hardened Neve? Totally. But even then, her hardened path does leave me so wanting. You get it. The complex relationship you are having, the feelings that are all tangled up in a yarn ball. But instead of expending on Hardened Lucanis, they cut it. It is meant to basically say Lucanis cuts himself off from you, that there is a line he will not let you cross (but also not). Hardened Neve is interesting, she compels me so. Hardened Lucanis is...there.

When Hardened Lucanis doesn't give you an option about Illario, that was great. That was the only interesting thing tho. Lucanis taking away choice from player that would be there had he not been Hardened. But that's the most and the only intersting thing they do with him.

Neve gets development on hardened path. She is going against her instincts because she sees the needs of Dock Town cannot be met by her alone, she dismisses principles because they no longer work or apply to blighted Minrathous and much empowered Venatori. She understands that to continue to fight for Dock Town, she will need to change the rules just as much as the Venatori do. Hardened Lucanis reacts to being made First Talon (thing he denied for years, saying he didn't want it) the same way non-hardened Lucanis does. The main difference between Hardened and Lucanis is the question of Spite. Lucanis says he will go wherever, do whatever to separate from Spite. And he will. That's who Lucanis is. Maybe he'll succeed, maybe he'll die trying. I'm not sure how well that journey will go considering he is still First Talon with duties and responsibilities.

To say Lucanis heals from his childhood trauma by saying he doesn't resent Caterina is... stretching. Lucanis accepts what Caterina put him through as a thing that needed to happen. He says Caterina was so hard on him and Illario so they both survive and he doesn't resent her for it. His childhood was rough, tough, hard, etc. etc. because it needed to be that way. That's most likely what allowed him to survive the Ossuary. The choice was made on "I don't resent Caterina anymore" not "I forgive Caterina". Hardened Lucanis will not forgive Illario (and argument can be made that he shouldn't regardless), but it is telling that Hardened Lucanis is certainly putting some distance between himself and his big soft heart. But also isn't.

I think Neve and Lucanis are cute together. He respects... No, fucking admires her right off the bat. The way he compliments her battle prowess? WOW. Their banter and witty remarks are great, they even have a few overlapping interests (murder, books, and Venatori downfall). Neve and Lucanis without the One of them is Hardened, would be a couple to outcouple anyone for the rest of the franchise (if it lives). The fact Neve makes him laugh is so fucking precious. But what wasn't written into the game, might as well not exist. And it wasn't written. I don't care what Mary Kirby said on bluesky. If it wasn't written, it doesn't exist. They have a fucking codex "Sexuality in Thedas" and for what?

It is not outside of possibility that Neve and Lucanis help each other, there is nothing written in the game that suggests it, however. You can however look at the state the game leaves characters after the Final Gambit and reasonably conclude this relationship requires a LOT of work. And if the writers wanted to sell you on this relationship as something worthwhile, lasting, well-suited, well-considered, well-intentioned -- they needed to write it.

I don't mind the fact Hardened Lucanis cuts off romance with Rook. As a character writing, it's an interesting choice. Not particularly good, or particularly bad. It gives to Lucanis's character just as much as it takes away. It could have been a fascinating journey of forgiveness and rebuilding trust, but that would require A LOT of writing resources. So I don't think it's much as in "Lucanis is a deeply passionate man and internalizes the experience" as it is about "that kind of journey requires immense writing resources not to mention everything else". As you mentioned before, Lucanis is said to be sentimental and with a big-heart (which either gives him the capacity to either forgive Illario, but there is no forgiveness with Hardened Lucanis). Would I have died to see the incasing of Lucanis's soft big heart and then uncasing it? Totally. I understand why I can't. But I don't understand more as to why he is so... stagnant a character if Hardened. He retrieves more into himself when he could have been compelled to turn more spiteful, more selfish, more... anything, really. Neve still comes across as a more dynamic character when Hardened than Hardened Lucanis.

Again, the issue of Lucanis/Neve romance could be resolved with like 5 extra dialogue lines. It's not particularly hard. Neve saying something like Lucanis should consider making a deal with Spite because a deal is easier than chasing an answer across Thedas and still not get a satisfying one. After fucking all, the capital of human mage empire doesn't seem to have answer to his problem. What are his chances? Lucanis could be mentioning something about the scars Illario's betrayal left but also the fact his family has grown three times in size compared to last year and those bonds help. The game will smack you on the head three times that Lucanis and Harding trust each other and are friends. But the game cannot have a little something that suggests this dynamic -- Neve and Lucanis -- this relationship is doing something for those characters in terms of further development.

Example, Neve gets taken by Elgar'nan. Lucanis reacts. Thank FUCK he does react, actually. "You cannot not what Neve means to me because I myself never really told her, everything was just the tip of an arrow". Beautiful. Could he have also mentioned in Final Gambit that he has told her? That he is definitely telling her the moment Elgar'nan drops dead? Anything? For fucks sake say something about Eluvians needing to work after all the elven gods are dead so you can save time on travelling between Antive and Tevinter. The man is fucking romantic, for fuck's sake, and Rook just brought back his lover. I don't expect Neve to comment because the woman seems utterly out of it after being in Elgar'nan's grasp for weeks and I don't blame her.

The devil of Veilguard hides in the details. It's a constant issue if you look close enough. What do you meant Ferelden is all blighted? Hadring and Emmrich just camped there? What do you mean Taash went to speak with Shadow Dragons? Aren't they all scattered and in hiding? Rook, what do you mean "Solas, try a cure. Be the god your agent needs you to be." What cure is there, Rook? What cure you think is there? We watched the same memory, did we not? What cure you suggest he tries? It's the only memory where you are given a choice, and it's entirely meaningless and more importantly -- stupid.

The little detail that irked me is after Inner Demons Lucanis, in his charming and fumbling way, brings up the fact Neve is always on his mind. Except he says "You were there, in my mind. You helped Rook." Helped? Helped? That's what we call it? Lucanis, I understand what you wanted to say. You really should have thought this through, however. That was dishonest. Please have a better conversation with your romantic partner about your feelings, thoughts, and experiences, that was very bad.

My favourite background relationship is Taash and Harding because it gives. It gives what you need to know it's gonna work. Taash and Harding are emotionally open with other, even if talking about feelings is hard for Taash and Harding tends to ignore negative emotions. They have like 1-2 banters about it, and you already get that either: Laash formed a romantic relationship after building a strong platonic one or they are actively working on their relationship, all depending on when you get the banter. You are presented with emotional issues that are confronted in a relationship. Can this relationship fall apart? Can it turn into nothing? Abso-fucking-lutely. It's a relationship. But the writing of it makes me want to think it will not, not ever.

Neve and Lucanis have candlelight dinners and that's hella nice. But what is there to tell me this flowers-and-chocolates fantasy will not fizzle out the moment they go to live in cities they are heart-and-soul bound to? Not much, honestly. Yes, Lucanis is a romantic, and Neve has a heart of gold. But Lucanis is also dutiful to a fault and almost incapable of placing his wants first. And so is Neve, honestly. What is there to suggest that Lucanis or Neve will be able to hold each other to a higher standard? Cynical Neve grows more cynical, her belief that people can let you down turns into more people will let you down. And Lucanis isn't all that equipped to deal with his cynical cousin after growing up together. And Hardened Lucanis during Final Gambit doesn't emrabce the idea of living his life as his own until he gets rid of Spite. Which is something that may never happen.

Harding even goddamn helps Taash with mother issues via having fucking conversations. Harding has a healthier perspective, a better point of reference. Taash encourages Harding to not be so afraid of her anger, anger is normal, if you are angry, you are angry, just deal with it in a healthy way. Taash is honestly great. Taash doesn't get enough recognition. Tho, their questline commits a rather egregious crime. Lucanis and Neve banter is flirtatious but not deep. And it can be said because the characters are just that way, except no, Neve and Bellara do discuss their romantic lives (or more specifically Neve's feelings). So, no again there.

And the nuance of a relationship of Hardened Character/Unhardened Character is just fucking missing. Could Hardened Neve/Lucanis forge a bond undying? Could they make each other better? Could each other worse? Could Spite commit murder-suicide in their sleep? The writing leaves out so much of it out, you can use your imagination to build palaces, you can also realistically say it will end with not much changing for either of them. They will come out of that relationship exactly as they entered it. Lucanis might be affected because it's his first and failing your first relationship is a scar of its own. Neve however? It happened. It was nice while it lasted.

So if in Final Gambit, after Lucanis and Neve have been doing this seeing each other thing for some time, after Neve potentially coming back from the dead, both of them knowing they can die in a few minutes i do not believe in their romantic relationship as something long-lastin, why am I not to say this relationship is doomed? The relationship between those two people will inevitably end and sooner than later. That's all it means.

And, yes, it grates me that a game is about "everyone can be redeemed" and "don't get stuck in your regrets", you will not be able to meaningfully influence your companion whose cutscenes on Tearstone Island do not change. So you have that bond. But also you don't. I'd be down if the bond was entirely one-sided. But it's not. The writers could have chosen to take the cake away with Hardened Lucanis. But they didn't. They wanted both chairs, so the sitting is uncomfortable.

Idk, man. Seems like a buckwild take to say that just because Lucanis can't heal with Neve the way he does with Rook makes him and Neve a bad pairing. Like, there's no one right person for anyone. One True Love™ isn't real and there are all kinds of relationships that work just fine. There's no one right way to deal with trauma. And love comes in so many shapes and sizes.

I don't think it's outside the realm of possibility that Neve and Lucanis help each other get better together. It won't look the same as either does with Rook, because, well, they aren't with Rook (???).

But I firmly believe that both of them would hold their partner to a higher standard, demand that they accept more love than they think they deserve, because they want better for their partners. And while that might not lead to Lucanis unraveling his trauma à la Mind Prison, it doesn't mean Neve couldn't help him find another route through.

(I also think it's a bit unkind to think a 35-36 year old man who has already dealt with his childhood trauma (re: he "doesn't resent Caterina anymore", implying he once did and he worked through his shit) wouldn't eventually work through the Ossuary and Spite on his own. It would just be slower and look different and that's OKAY! Romance is not a prerequisite for dealing with trauma.)

Also, and I will die on this hill, it is not "bad writing" to have Lucanis be unromanceable by a Rook who chose to save Minrathous. Lucanis views that choice, as logical as it may be, as a betrayal. You've betrayed Treviso, the Crows, and him. And, he's someone who REQUIRES a close emotional attachment to feel attraction (demisexual, hello???). So, yeah. You let his city and people die a slow terrible death to the blight, he isn't going to fall in love with you. He literally can't. It makes complete sense and I thought it was a BRILLIANT choice by the writers. If you save Minrathous, you get a totally different Lucanis and I think that's incredible.

Neve doesn't lock you out if you save Treviso because she is a much more rational and logical thinker than Lucanis. Lucanis is called "soft-hearted" and "sentimental" multiple times across the game and tie-in media, where Neve is known for her icy exterior, wit and cleverness. It makes complete sense.

I am begging people to stop calling elements they personally dislike "bad writing".

[turtleblogatlast]

I love Raph and haven’t said that enough so to be more specific I love that Raph is a soft boy who loves bear plushies, a gross boy who eats an assortment of things that are definitely better left alone, a smart boy who is more than capable of taking down villains through planning and fortitude alike, a strong boy who is dedicated to training his muscles and fighting prowess, a teenage boy who loves his brothers but is more than happy to tease and roughhouse with them, an angry boy who sometimes lets his anger take a hold of him to cover the fear, a gentle boy who is generous with hugs and affirmations to those he loves, a capable boy who takes on more than should ever be expected of a teenager, a good boy who just wants to be a hero and slowly comes to realize the cost of that duty, a good boy who has no reservations about putting himself in the way of harm coming to his family, a good boy who’s a great brother and son and person and deserves only the best the world has to offer.

[vaguely-concerned]

Origins is of course the DA game most closely in conversation with and playing around with Tolkien (right down to the walking talking poetree haha) -- and even more so than most works in the larger western fantasy tradition derived from Tolkien's work that DA:O also hails from and owes a lot of its Stuff to, what makes the game so great to me is that it's doing so very deliberately, and is subverting and deconstructing those tropes and entrenched ideas in some very interesting ways without at all denigrating what it's commenting on. (it doesn't have the almost disdainful undertones of the vein of fantasy that seeks to make the world more 'realistic' ala the more tedious reactions to G.R.R.Martin's work, for example, despite having the darker fantasy bent to it.) among other elements it adopts, what I find the most fascinating is the choice to use the same literary device/conceit Tolkien did in ostensibly only having in-universe biased sources and works to deliver the world through (which I feel is an underappreciated thing about his approach but is part of what makes his world so enduringly compelling and real-feeling -- the feeling of real scholarship devoted/applied to a made-up world. the grounding effect of a good diegetic footnote about source criticism, truly).

many things to be said there, and I'm glad each following game has taken on different perspectives and lenses and traditions to view the world of Thedas through because if you stick with that one too closely for too long I fear we could teeter precariously close to Pratchett's famous and bitingly accurate accusation of most modern fantasy of that era just being about rearranging the furniture in Tolkien's attic lol. and while you could accuse DA2 (my perfect wife who has never done anything wrong in her life to be clear) of many things, that's not one of them, they are pulling on some completely different strings for that one and both the game and DA overall is better for it, to my mind. as so many things in this series: worth staying with and exploring for an installment even if it might get stale if all of it was like this! people are understandably sad about the elements from previous games that they liked which were lost along the way, but that capacity for reinvention is to my mind a huge strength of dragon age as a whole.

(I think Veilguard is coming in as a close second in Tolkien conversation-ness if only in outlining/revealing the worldbuilding that indeed may have been planned since DA:O around the animosity that SHOULD by all rights exist between dwarves and elves in this universe (as per Tolkienesque tradition standards). but doesn't really because you see: politics and the many pitfalls of conservation of knowledge over the ages. our ancestral enmity got semi-intentionally lost between the floorboards of history and you know what. maybe for the best. the humans are already up to so much shit you gotta keep your eyes on them at all times you can't be brawling with each other in the deep roads while they're still around getting up to their nonsense or they'll just pile up even more of it)

[camellcat]

I need an answer why do y'all hate on s7 like it's in vogue here what is going on I fucking loved that season. like hello? I can't decide if s5 or now s7 is my favourite of the show it was that good of a watch to me

I missed the closeness of the scoobies so bad I didn't even realize until we hit episode three and I was aching for it. oh, god. and the spuffy of it all! I can't even get into it right here but ohhhh. oh. and DAWNIE my sweet girl oh sweet niblet I love her so much. anya's episode? probably one of my favourite episodes of the entire show tyvm. I really liked kennedy and honestly I think she made a great second in command for buffy when she actually listened, though I think she'd be a god-awful leader. almost all of the episodes held my attention that weren't, y'know, bewitched bothered bewildered part two electric boogaloo over there. and DRUSILLAAAAAA ik she wasn't real but IDC I was fawning every time she was on screen both as the first as actually her oh I just adore her I'll never understand her and I don't even care. taking it back actually getting into the spuffy of it all for a second because oh my GOD they had an actual conversation about themselves where she neither ran away nor punched him!! and the montage of everyone screwing, only to cut to spuffy simply cuddling? to show THAT'S their intimacy? 'bout fuckin killed me it did

them kicking buffy out of her house and then literally no one saying ANYTHING about how she was RIGHT except spike ofc really bothered me. and gosh the way they just kinda... did buffy's plan anyways. a little different, but not really? still invaded the vineyard when half the reason no one was listening to her was bc they didn't wanna go back that. but that was like the biggest issue I had the entire season honestly. there was no riley to make me furious, 15 minutes of angel that I hated every second of but is so small it's whatever, and robin wood kinda annoyed me once he turned on buffy and spike there but y'know he gets less relevant so pshh. I'll admit I also got a bit peeved at myself every time I smiled at something andrew said but he grew on me wayyy quicker than I was expecting or wanting I get why he shows up in fics so often now he's entertaining to watch

anyways. I'm sure there's like a billion million things I've missed in my endeavor to simply enjoy myself while watching but as it stands? I love this season. I love it to bits and pieces and I think it was incredibly fun. y'all might just be the biggest haters in the world cause I am SO glad I decided to actually give it a go

[madzillus]

Finished IWTV. I will need 3-50 business days to recover. I thank you for your patience

[brick-van-dyke]

If there's one thing I've respectively noticed from Zionists and defenders of Israeli war crimes, it's that every source, argument and potential avenue to explore each explanation is riddled with cherry picking, moving the goalposts and mental gymnastics to explain why their conclusions, which typically are barely even related to the sources they use, somehow overshadow literal reality and what we see with our own eyes.

While scrolling, one example I came across was the repetitive misrepresentation of BLM, antifa and quotes from Martin Luther King Jr, as well as statistics, scholarly journal articles and government website information. These are all good sources, yet every single time they're mangled completely until the only possible "interpretation" of any of them is "well Israel is right to defend itself after shorting rockets beforehand because the retaliation was brutal and all Arabs are bad by default therefore". As if any of these sources are even about individual exceptions of Israel versus hatred towards Arabs.

I think what I find most absurd, as someone in the middle of their own studies, is how every bit of critical thinking and logic goes out the window as they do every single thing possible to do what professors worldwide say NOT to do when evaluating sources. It's like watching a race to see who can tangle and misconstrue scientific information to fit their world view the fastest. Then said people say "um actually I studied at university before so it's actually not wrong that I'm doing this exact this everyone is warned not to do because I have a permit". Ignorance I can forgive, but willful and arrogant manipulation? That's another thing entirely.

[perilegs]

i miss horses